Summary of the GRAPPA retreat – April 3-4 2019
Sera has organized several retreats for her group in the past. We usually bike to this picturesque farm in Weesp and spend the day in a meeting room surrounded by sheep. We use this meeting to focus and plan our research efforts, practice giving elevator/grant pitches, and discussing common challenges and how to overcome them. For a nice overview, see this excellent blog post by Tobi Beuchert. While I always thought that GRAPPA wasn’t running as smoothly as possible, I was doubtful of a “GRAPPA retreat”, but at the very least, I would finally get to know everyone.
When I arrived in Amsterdam to start my first postdoc, I was quickly welcomed by the Astronomical Institute, I was introduced to everyone, the scientific and social activities. From the beginning, I was also a part of GRAPPA (GRavitational AstroParticle Physics Amsterdam). It is a combination of astrophysicists, (astro)particle physicists, comology and string theory groups. At GRAPPA I was introduced to a small number of people, but I do not know most people at the meetings (colloquia, seminars, and a journal club). In fact, I feel somewhat forlorn. Especially in the beginning, I was often one of only 2-3 women in the room, and many in GRAPPA work on a very different topic – dark matter. While I greatly benefit from the GRAPPA meetings and events, I did not feel part of the institute, the astroparticle effort. In time, I collaborated with some of the other GRAPPA members, but particularly the journal club only alienated me. Technical papers were discussed in detail, without a sufficient explanation of the background. I admit I should have intervened and asked questions. I only realized recently that this is difficult for me, due to past negative experiences where a colleague introduced me to another colleague with the sentence “Hello X, this is Fe! She doesn’t even know how Y and Z work in AGN! Can you imagine”.
The GRAPPA retreat was planned for two days in the city of Doorn (no relation to GoT and thankfully/disappointingly? it did not involve any dragons either).
We arrive Wednesday morning on a cold day after a 2+ hours train and bus ride. On the bus I see a few familiar faces, but quickly people sort into the same groups as in meetings and journal clubs. We take the earlier (wrong) bus and arrive in the center of Doorn, not the conference center. We walk the rest of the way. For the first time, I talk to people I haven’t met before, two postdocs who have only been here for a couple of months. We exchange stories about moving to Amsterdam and the green parakeets in Vondelpark.
The first item on the agenda is “10:30 Coffee”. The conference center has “the good coffee”. The next item is the opening of the retreat, which passes quickly and informal. The first real item on the agenda “11:00 Pitch Session”, blood pressure rises. Do we have to give an elevator pitch without preparation? Phew. It is only an informal introduction round. For the first time I get a sense of what people are working on, their characters, heck for some it’s the first time I even hear their names. After lunch, the first team building exercise is scheduled “Aiming High: Outdoor Archery”.
Retreats have been portrayed as excellent team building activities but there has been increasing indications that shows that team building has no long-term effects and can, in fact, be unhelpful due to forced socializing and embarrassment among colleagues. Many activities focus on physical capabilities and can leave some embarrassed or excluded.
Therefore, I am surprised to find myself in a random group of GRAPPA people competing against other teams and actually enjoying the competition. Not because I am particularly good at it – though I do manage to hit a balloon attached at the goal – but because a lot of silliness ensues. People joke about archery, each other’s worst – and best! – shots; most people are not particularly good at the exercise, but we cheer on team mates if they manage a good shot. There is a competitive edge towards this exercise: who gets the most points, hits the most balloons, performs best? This does lead to some negativity and dejectedness, but overall the atmosphere is cheerful.
After a short coffee break, we reconvene for a more serious “Collaboration session”. I assume we discuss the massive collaborations that most people in the group belong to (LIGO, Fermi-LAT,..). Instead we’re separated into groups of (somewhat) senior and (somewhat) junior researchers. One group sits on the outside of a ring made of tables. The other group on the inside. By this design, one junior person talks to one senior person. The goal is to come up with a “collaboration”, a research project with overlapping interests for both. After 3 minutes, the inner ring moves 1 space, thereby creating a new pair of senior and junior researcher. Fast forward 1.5 hours, my brain has melted from high-intensity high-pressure thinking for a long time. But for the first time I’ve spoken to half of the people directly, inventing possible research collaborations. Promptly, I get a bad headache, and the dinner and the rest of the evening is a bit of a blur, though I do remember a long discussion about the influence of Sanskrit on which aspects of the current Indo-European languages.
I get a decent but not sufficient amount of sleep (6 hours 52 minutes total sleep time, according to the modern technologies). I’m happy about the first two items on the agenda: “9:00 Coffee” and “9:15 More Coffee”. The first (real) session of the day starts slowly. We talk about “How to apply for Stuff” (Sera) and “how to get grant money” (Jan de Boer). Our brains don’t seem fully awake, but there seems to be a lot of anxiety around the academic job market. This session is followed by a “Research Walk”, we walk through the forest, talking about our current research (problems) to someone, we switch teams after 10 minutes. After switching once, we reach an observation tower and climb the stairs. I’m afraid of heights. We reach the top. We take group pictures. The tower starts shaking in the wind. I descend slowly. I’m surprised, someone specifically asks to talk to me on the way back. It’s a good conversation.
While I enjoyed these activities, I feel like we’ve “only” been socializing and getting to know each other. Will this change anything about the institute? At lunch, we talk about unusual topics. I mention this important website that should be shared here: http://ikeaordeath.com/ where once has to guess whether the name given is the name of a death metal band or of an IKEA furniture item.
The last session of the retreat is “Evaluation Session: Improving Grappa and Surviving Academia”. An online spreadsheet is available for everyone to anonymously add their comments. There are prepared questions that we can answer “If you could change one thing about GRAPPA what would it be?”. I add a few thoughts. I’m not yet convinced anything good will come of it. After a few minutes, we all go through the document together.
I’m continuously surprised during this session, many have experienced the same confusion when starting at GRAPPA as I have. I learn about the existence of a Slack channel, social activities, and a GRAPPA calendar that I (and many others) had never heard about. People are starting to realize that there is disorganization. (“You don’t receive IOP e-mails? And you don’t receive API social e-mails?”). The session also deals with the problem of a lack of diversity in GRAPPA and the journal clubs. I leave the session and the retreat with mixed feelings. The evaluation session was exhausting. Especially issues of diversity are always draining. Everyone has different experiences in academia, and not everyone has to think about them.
A while later I sit in the train, with the same group of people as I came to the retreat. However, for the first time, I feel there’s hope. We’re on the same page now, we understand each other a bit better through the socializing and the shared experience. Everyone has been made aware of the problems in the institutes and measures have been planned to improve the institute.
Yesterday, I would have been more pessimistic. Yes, the journal club has been canceled this week to do an overhaul, (some) additional information for everyone has been distributed, I’m suddenly also getting IoP e-mails, but will this change truly persist for a long time. Then, today in the hallway, another postdoc greeted me cheerfully by name. For the first time I am a member of GRAPPA.
